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~tendons

the new wine dying on the vine
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its alright to feel inhuman now

Fri Mar 14, 2008, 3:36 PM
god so a couple weeks ago i just resigned myself to the fact that im not gonna go to an art school -- not only was i way under prepared for applying anywhere but i just know no one would offer me any money, and even if they did it would only be a little. and i just felt so intimidated about sending in portfolios, so i kind of just gave up, so PNCA and SCAD and some other places have like, half of my applicatoin, haha. BUT SO LIKE of course im like OH WELL, i can go to my local school and get all the academic stuff out of the way and then maybe transfer, because im not a yuppie and dont have the money for it. but of course, once i decided that a while ago all the colleges that i showed interest in keep sending me crap in the mail and my email that makes me want to go to their schools and its really hella frustrating! because i just make myself feel even more inadequate since ig ave up and IDK i'm also so scared about my AP class since like, im sure im probably going to get a 3 but my teacher really thinks i could get a 5 and like, idk but NO, no i couldn't. i mean, i know people on here who got 4s and im always in aw of their art, but then i know some people who got fucking 5s and sent in crap so idk!! but there isn't anything gripping or interesting about any of the shit i do, and my concentration has no real connection right now (they're just figure drawings and i think we are just linking them by saying going from a more realistic style to a more expressionistic or something) and my breadth is really week and its disgusting and my teacher told me at the beginning that shes sure i could get a 5, like she took me aside and said that so i was all excited, but now ive just IDK lost h ope in art i guess. i have no fresh ideas anymore, i keep on churning out people with long necks and shit shit shit, i just IDK i wish i could just quit art sometimes! but i can't because its the only thing im any fucking good at and fuckfkcjfk im sorry for going fucking crazy at first i was just going to say that i gave up on art schools but i got off on a tangent

but yea so im going to UAF (the local university here) next year, and idk. maybe i'll get interested in something other than art because art is such a fucking hassle, even if its really like my dream to go to a nice art school its just so far out of reach and fkjslfjdkljdsfklfdkls
BUT I AM SO HAPPY I AM SEEING PEOPLE GETTING ACCEPTED INTO NICE ART SCHOOLS holy shit some of you fools are so crazy mad talented, you're like my personal jesus' (how do you pluralize jesus) and im so happy and hope you all have fun uh yeah im done bye!!

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25 Comments
  • Mood: Tender
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~MissDynamic:iconMissDynamic: Mar 14, 2008, 4:00:14 PM
hey sweetie I think you'll do fine
I understand the frustration that was me like 2 month ago and now I'm still just getting over it.

OK DONT GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS I PROMISE YOU'LL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!
~mcatra:iconmcatra: Mar 14, 2008, 4:03:02 PM
:( aw. i'm sorry. i completely understand, this past month, i've been extremely moody about my art, i feel like it's not half as interesting as it used to be and that my skills are deteriorating and that my confidence will be completely shot down when i actually apply to college...


also, you should post some of your AP work on here, i'm sure everyone (including me) would love to help you come up with a good concentration!!!!

i'm taking AP sculpture this year and urgh, i don't feel like i have produced anything worthwhile at all, though then again i am not a sculptor really. my fucking boyfriend (who got a 5 on AP portfolio) is doing so well and im so jealous of him, my teacher told me that hes doing better than i am which is really fucking degrading because i'm the one who sits alone with my sketchbook when hes talking to his friends

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~strayheadache:iconstrayheadache: Mar 14, 2008, 4:20:18 PM
dang bro im going through the same thing. im enslaved to this stupid art. auhgu but what miss d said, dooont giiive uuuuup you gots taalent
~Mysterious-Wind:iconMysterious-Wind: Mar 14, 2008, 4:35:42 PM
I think you're being too hard on yourself, but I undersatnd how hard it is to deal with critiscm and rejection, and how easily you can let yourself get down. It sucks that you've resigned yourself, but I believe you'll do well anywhere. I just hope you don't give up on art, because even if you don't believe in it, you have amazing skill that the art world would cry tears of blood to see go.

<3
Ruisu

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"I don't think you can really have a more positive effect on someone than extricating them from the bowels of Hell." - Misha Collins

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~tendons:icontendons: Mar 14, 2008, 4:42:49 PM
RUNNING OUT OF STEAM!! and i've been trying lots of shit like watching movies ive never seen before or trying new stuff with art and its not helpng at all i wish my mind could like, reboot with everything new and fresh!

gh yeah haha, the other thing about ap art is like, even if i got a 5 i dont really feel like i need it because ill probably want to take the first drawing class anyways (since i want as much help with art as i can get) BUT YEAH okay ill start gathering whats left of my concentratoin and post it! ive showed some of it to some people but yeah, my figure drawings are just.. figure drawings! they're pretty boring, and the ones that i like my art teacher doesn't like, haha.

aaaa man that must suck ggh thats the other reason im scared to go to an art school, i know i'll get crazy jealous! i mean, i have like. SEVEN people in my ap art class tops, and we are all good in like, different kinds of art, i guess if that makes sense, you know! so i dont feel competitive with them, haha. and yeah, i can't.. imagine doing sculpture. i did a week long ceramics class once, and that was more than enough for me. and thats really uncool that your teacher would say that to you?? that would make me upset!
~tendons:icontendons: Mar 14, 2008, 4:49:04 PM
HEY i love your headddddd so dont give up either sucker, you have a mind of ideas like no other and your art is so nice and it means a lot whenever you comment and stuff, even if that sounds stupid/cheesy but you're pretty damn rad, and whenever im trying to draw an idea i have i always wish i have the same amount of execution power you have! idk, it just seems like everything you draw is just STREAMING straight from your head onto canvas, like a neverending flow of fluxing ideas! okay i'm rambling but yeah DONT GIVE UP we'll make it woo!
~tendons:icontendons: Mar 14, 2008, 4:52:18 PM
aw actually i love criticism and rejection! HAHA no but really, its nice to get hxc criticism, im justtoo lazy about the application process and since i have no money it'd be pointless to try and go to these places in the first place so yeah! and haha, cRY TEARS OF BLOOD oh god!!! bad news.
thanks ;u; <3
~soupster:iconsoupster: Mar 14, 2008, 4:55:24 PM
sometimes it's actually better to go to a small college and then transfer out. You get more and better oppurtunities afterwards (y)

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~tendons:icontendons: Mar 14, 2008, 4:59:13 PM
SHUT UP YOUR ONLY FOURTEEN okay jk my suppi poo YEAH thats what people were saying when iw as being emo on sroa a few weeks ago, so i think thats what im planning to do. maybe. the other main thing about going to an art school is just GETTING OUT OF THIS STATE haha, i mean christ i love alaska and its people but holy cow it gets obnoxious sometimes and theres no one relaly interested in art besides people who are old and co,mfortable with how they ddo shit!
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